Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
