I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize