I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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