And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
