Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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