captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
