I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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