I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
