i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
