it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
