i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
