I cockslap morals
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
