When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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