Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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