you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
