i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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