I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize