somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
