This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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