Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
