i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
