booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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