My liver just broke up with me...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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