You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
