Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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