Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
