At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
is wine microwaveable?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
