My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
