Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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