Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
