worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize