So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
