Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
