Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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