Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
