Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
