I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
