i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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