My nipple is on Facebook.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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