it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
