I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
