CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
