Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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