hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize