btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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