"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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