:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
