there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
