no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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