Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So many bounce houses so little time
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
