I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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