She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
