Just cropdusted the office
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
