she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
there is puke in my bra ... again
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
