Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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