just survived the first fart of the relationship.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
