Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Bring me that man meat
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
