So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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