The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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