My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
