people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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