Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
