Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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