he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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