i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize