He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
