Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize