Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
