Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
