Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
