Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
