a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
