just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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