how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
